Find someone who can teach you how to dream again. Someone who can clear your obscured eyes, support you with your dreams and goals in life, uplift your spirit when you feel weak, hold your hand when you think that no one loves you and be your strength for you to overcome your water-loo. Someone who can visualize what will be the next years of his/her life with you and grow old with you.
Find someone who can teach you how to fall in love again. Someone who can reinvigorate the butterflies on your stomach and make them glide again. Someone who can fill your gray-scaled world with colors and make you appreciate every little things in life. Someone who can accept your flaws, childish acts and baby-talks. Someone who can pacify you until you become okay. Someone who can make you happy and contented. Someone who can give you a smile that you will wear for a lifetime. Someone who can comply his/her promises to you. Someone who can make your life more meaningful, mornings even brighter and nights even better. And someone who can love you unconditionally and can submit his/her life to you.
Find someone who can be with you and never let go of your hand. Someone who can fight for you until the end, be with you through thick and thin, good and bad times. Someone who can be your light in your darkest night. Someone who can lean his/her shoulders for you to cry on. Someone who can hug you tight when you're afraid and be the source of your happiness. Someone who can protect you, care for you and do everything for you. Someone who can make you feel that you're the most significant being in his/her world.
Find someone who you can consider a best friend and a lover. Someone who can keep your deep dark secrets, ride on your weirdest trips and join you on your endless picture takings. Someone who you can talk and be with whenever you wanted to. Someone who you can share your favorite food with while watching your favorite movie. Someone who can stay with you until midnight talking about random things in life. Someone who can make your heart beat faster with those heart-melting stares and smiles. Someone who can make you feel younger and stop you from counting your years. Someone who can make you blush every time and make you feel important. Someone who can text and call you to remind you to eat. Someone who can text long sweet messages, serenade you every night until you fall asleep and wake you up with a phone call.
And most importantly, find someone who you can see yourself living and sharing the rest of your days, someone who you can forgive every time, someone who can have an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ and make Him the center of your relationship.
I thought of changing myself into someone people always wanted me to be. I tried changing because I thought it’ll be the better version of me and more people will like me. That they’ll start to treat me more important than the usual. I thought of changing myself to please everybody so that i’ll fit in. I changed myself. I started doing things I didn’t do before. I did things that I never imagined i’d be doing. I became much more of a mess. Not with the people around me but with myself. They told me that everything i’ve done was perfectly right but for me, it just felt so wrong. And one time, when I was all alone, standing in front of the mirror, I looked at myself, I stared at the girl who changed her whole self entirely just to be the perfect girl everybody wanted. Then at one moment, I realized that I wasn’t happy at all. Yeah, I caught attentions from people who don’t seem to notice me at first before I changed but I don’t recognize myself anymore. I became a stranger to my own self. I seemed so lost and all I can see is darkness. I kept on finding ways to go back to my old self but its just too hard knowing that people are expecting much more in me. I felt stuck. I was pressured. I cant breath. People always try to dig much deeper in me. Like they’re expecting me to be in my best self always. And it choked me. One day, I woke up. I woke up and I started to care less. I just let go. I let myself live the life the way I wanted to live it. I hated the feeling of trying to be someone I am not so I went back to being the real me. I cut it all out. I stopped being a hypocrite. People started to unlike me and I didn’t gave a damn at all. I was alone but I knew that’s all I ever wanted since the beginning. I might not have friends but at least i’m not pretending. And that what I always bear in mind, that I don’t have to change just to please others because there are people out there who will love me for the real me. I will never, ever settle for anything less because I deserve to be loved. I’m a unique creation and I have every rights to live my life the way I want to live it. I must live the life I love and love the life I live.
I am happy. I am, despite of the fact that life is constantly throwing curveballs in my direction. I tried to look at it as if life threw the wrong way and it hit me accidentally. I tried to forgive life for throwing me down even if I never heard a sorry for what happened to me. I tried to understand it by thinking that I have to face these curveballs in order to be strong, even if I never had the chance to heal the wounds I have all over me. I make myself note that these are the requirements to be strong, even if I am bruised inside and out. I know everybody has two or three of curveballs in their life, it’s just in my life, I have millions of it. I’m life’s favorite, I suppose. And being a favorite is something I should be grateful about.
I am happy. I am, despite of the fact that the people I love are ignoring me from time to time. I tried not to give too much attention to it by thinking that they are very busy that they can’t give me a second of their time. I don’t take their ignoring me way too seriously because I’d like to think that they did not mean to treat me that way, they don’t mean to make me feel alone even if I am physically existing. They don’t mean to make me feel alone even if I am only a couple of inches away from them. They don’t mean to make me feel alone even if they are aware that I am with them and yet nobody is with me. I’d like to assume that for a split second they just forget to remember me, something that I’d like to think again that happens to everybody and anybody some of the times. It’s just it’s happening to me most of the times.
I am happy. I am, despite of the fact that I have to cry all night to ease the pain in my heart. I have to cry all night even if crying does not really help much at all since the pain is still there the moment I wake up. But I know for sure that crying is normal. We all cry at some point in our lives, it’s just in my case it happens all the time. I need this to clean my eyes and to see clearly. I still need this even if I am no longer able to see anything because every part of my eye is filled with tears. My crying isn’t too much, it’s just it happens every night but I still can make a reason out of it, I swear. I know I needed these tears because without these, I am nothing. These tears are the only things that can explain everything and anything else.
I swear I am not being sarcastic about my happiness. And I swear I mean it with all the remnants of my broken yet happy heart.
When you finally found her, I hope you understand and have patience with her. In case she breaks your patience because of her mistakes, I hope you don’t get mad at her easily. Girls are sensitive. Having self pity when you’re mad. Even though she has mood swings, I hope you still talk to her. Please help her to calm down. I’m sorry if she’s getting imperfect. That’s just how she is. I hope you would still love her together with her imperfections. When life gets her down, I hope you have the patience to help her get up. Like how you used to help one another while you’re just starting a beautiful relationship together, getting courage and strength from each other. Please bear with her when she keeps on repeating to say her feelings to you like a broken record; I hope you still listen to her. She just loves you so much that she wants to remind you everyday. Please don’t get tired of her. Always remember those times when you keep saying I love you to each other and you both repeated it over and over until you fell asleep.
Also, please pardon her attitude. It’s just herself all along. She never pretended to be someone she’s not. And she’ll never be. Because she wants you to love her true self. I hope she doesn’t disappoint you. Always remember those moments when you love seeing her smile. You laugh together until your tummy hurts. I hope you can be patient with her when negative things get into her mind. It’s all part of her feeling jealous because she wants you for her alone. Do not forget to spend time to talk to her. All she ever wanted is to talk to you even though how busy you both are. I know your world doesn’t just revolve around her, but even if you’re not interested in her stories, please have time for her. Always remember those midnight conversations that you both love to listen to each other’s stories about anything.
And when the time comes that you have a misunderstanding, I hope you have the patience to listen and understand her side. I’M SORRY if she made you feel mad. I hope you can still love her during the rough moments of your lives because those are the moments that you’ll have to prove the love that you have for each other. I am always hoping that you are going to last much longer than forever. If there would come a time that you have to end the relationship, I hope you will hold her hand and give her the strength to move on.
But don’t worry, IT WILL NEVER HAPPENED.
I just want you to remember that if something was broke, you fixed it, not throw it away. I will whisper in my Father’s ear to bless you together because you love each other. Thank you for making me the center of your relationship. I LOVE YOU, my children.
“I am the kind of girl who has to be told I love you every day; one who needs to receive a bunch of sweet messages once in a while. I need to be reassured that I am the only girl in your life most of the time; one who needs to be hugged often, to be protected, to be treated as someone special. I am the kind of girl who loves to be clingy — a reason why I need actions instead of words alone. I am the kind of girl who needs to feel loved. Otherwise, I won’t stay.”
"Sometimes it’s better to be alone. Nobody can hurt you."
Is there a time that you want to be alone? For me, yes. I want to be alone because I’m tired of listening to stupid things, seeing stupid things, remembering stupid things, all stupid things, I don’t want any of those. I want to escape reality even just for a while. When you’re alone, nobody can see, hear, disturb, touch or hurt you. When you’re alone it is as if you’re invisible to their eyes. I know being alone, is also being lonely. Feeling depressed. Awful. But mind you, being alone has its advantages also. It helps you unwind your brain. Think deep and have time for yourself.. Realizations come afterwards. It helps you to think about life in many aspects. And it molds you to a better you. A Strong, Wise & Mature Person.
Her: I learned that sometimes, people have to leave even if you don't want them to because you need to learn something. That not everyone who leaves you behind are happy with their decision to walk out of your life. Some gets hurt just as much as those who were left behind; sometimes more. I also realized that being happy is not brought about by fate; it's a decision, a choice. You don't just start your day by hoping that it would turn out to be a great one -- you need to act on it. Another thing I've learned is that you need to fall in love with yourself first before you do with another person. You need to be able to clearly define your worth and set your limits so that you would know when to hold on and when to let go. Also, life throws at you all these painful and bitter circumstances not to drag you down to the pit of nowhere but to help you learn how to fight your own battles right; to make you strong; to unleash that steadfast will and determination within you; to teach you not to give up. Lastly, you don't really need to love the right person for there is no right or wrong when it comes to love. Loving someone of the same gender, who is already committed, or who doesn't seem to see you is never wrong. It's what you do about that love that usually complicates things. And oh, love doesn't have to be mutual to be considered true.
Maybe I'm not upset because I'm used to it. I'm used to being put down, everyone leaving me, people keeping there promises broken, people using me, people who take me for granted, no one being there when I need someone the most. So this time, when you left can't you notice? I never tried to stop you or chase you. Because in a way, I already knew. That you will be one of those people who will repeat the cycle of leaving me hanging.